Best Divorce Letter Ever!

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ripdmup

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 22, 2012
Messages
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LOCATION
NwPa
Dear wife:


I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.


I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.


These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you


quit your job today & that was the last straw.


Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had


cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.


You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of


your soaps.


You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want fun lovin or anything


that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or


you don't love me anymore; whatever! the case, I'm gone.


Your EX-Husband


P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West


Virginia together!


Have a great lif e!


Dear Ex-Husband


Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you


& I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from


what you've been.


I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining &


griping. Too bad that doesn't work.


I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that


came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised


me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't


comment.


And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused


with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.


About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99


price tag was still on them, & ; I prayed it was a coincidence that my


sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.


After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it


out. So when I hit the in the ground for 10 million dollars, I quit my


job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you


were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope


you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that


the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take


care.


Signed,


Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!


P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was


born Carl. I hope that's not a problem
 

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